Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Lifes been the same for me....... I dont know why but i kinda always feel like i am like a little child, looking for people to take care of me. And i always cant find any sense of sastisfaction from anything i have done.
My attatchment was kinda bad.
My FYP is worst now i think.
Guess my self expectation is too high.
My family never give me any sense of belonging. But instead i can feel it from my friends.
I let my emotion run wild easily, any movie or show or the slightest sad thing i feel can make my tears fall like leaking pipe.
Recently my brain is filled with multiple feelings.. and when they are all happening at the same time, it just makes me feel that i am going mad.
Happy, Anger, Fustration, Tired , Desperate.
These 5 feelings i got now is making my head spinning in a vortex.
I always feel that i did something bad in my previous life... thats why people around me always seems to have a better life than me.. Sometimes i just dislike my father , but i keep reminding myself no matter what he is still my father.
Family, Friends, Love.
I devote alot of my time to other people.. leaving very little time for myself.. even in game...
I feel happy to help people, I feel happy to see someone else becoming happy because of some sacrifice i made.
But as times goes by .. The amount of sacrifice is backfiring at me. But i cant stop doing it... its just something in me. Being too good to others is a flaw? i am always giving out like 100% , but receieving like 10% .
Starting to feel tired of life... Are we just borned to Eat, Sleep, Work and die?
i always hear people saying how Africa people is always not having enough food.. how people in blah blah country is picking rubbish for money... We maybe have more than enough of these.. but at the expense of getting brain fucked everyday.
Cant stop feeling so Emoish now, I just have so much things in my heart untold. I feel like naruto at times. Having good friends around me, supporting me... But i need a real pillar behind me.
But the pillar is not appearing. I am building one now, But its falling back to ground level.
Love this blog skin alot, totally describe me..
Always being cheerful.
Dont worry about me... i have been living with this feeling about Around 7 years already.
Emoing.
7:57 PM
